Marriage Counselling in the South West<title>Marriage Counselling Margaret River

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Marriage Counselling

It's hard to know where to start with marriage counselling. If you are married and it's got to the stage where you are seeking help for a problem, then there's been a fair bit of water flowed under the bridge.

Let's go back. The time you met. Then the dating. Then the realisation that it is getting serious. Then the decision to get engaged.

Following the engagement you did the planning for the wedding. Lots of excitement plus incredible stress. Who to please, who to include, who to leave out, how much will it cost - all of those sort of issues.

Before you know it the wedding day has been and gone. Wow almost like a whirl wind. But lots of good memories. Marriage is in full flight.

Then planning for children - in most cases. The children come. They grow. They get older.

Then there seems to come this focus again on your partner. Who are they? Who have they become? Who are you? Why have problems creeped in? When did that happen? What's happening with our marriage? Where is it going?

So, problems with the marriage. You don't know how to solve them but gee it would be so much easier if your partner changed!

Then someone makes the decision the marriage is salvageable and you both could benefit from going to marriage counselling. It's booked.

You face the counsellor. You are asked to define the problem. You are nice about it but basically you hint that if the other partner changed things would be better.

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Believe it or not, all of the above has been the easy bit! Now you have to face your fears.

I can only begin to describe it here.

You have a problem. How do you know you have a problem? You have a problem because you are having not so good thoughts and not so good feelings. That's the cue. Particularly those feelings. Well actually experiencing the feeling is a good step. I counsel many people who would not have a clue what their feelings were. All they know is that there is a problem with their partner.

So the next part is to identify your thoughts and feelings. How do we do this in marriage counselling? Well we ssllooww tthhiinngss ddoowwnn. We look at what is happening under the microscope as a curious scientist.

When you identify the problem, when you know you have a problem, what is happening for you? What happens with your body? (What feelings do you have? What sensations? What urges? What cravings? What signs of physical illness?).

Next - what is happening with your mind? (What thoughts do you have? What belief systems arise for you? What self-judgments do you get? What worries arise for you?)

After you identify this, what do you do that brings you vitality? Vitality is doing things that will benefit your life for the long term. It will bring you health, joy, better relationships, wealth etc. Then, what do you do that brings you suffering? Things like drinking too much, smoking too much, stopping exercising, eating the wrong things, etc. Suffering activities are things that may make you feel better in the short term but do not bring you vitality in the long term.

Once you've done this, you will realise what you do when the problem arises.

The next part is to do the things that bring you vitality. It is not uncommon when people come to me for marriage counselling that they do not do many things that bring them vitality.

As human beings we do think too much. That benefits problems such as marriage problems. We can then spend endless hours thinking about the problem - losing sleep, feeling stressed, all those sort of things.

So where do we go from here?

We focus on what we value in life. Do you know what your life values are? Things that shape and identify you with dignity and respect. Are you pursuing those values? Have you got stuck and stayed in suffering?

Once you identify with your values, you can start to do things that bring you vitality rather than suffering (look at your list above). This will help refocus your mind and help you defuse those thoughts that keep you stuck - those thoughts that perpetuate the problem.

Do you notice what we have done throughout this whole process? We have not blamed, we have not come with 30 things that prove our partner is at fault, we have not asked our partner to change. We have focused on you! What can you do to refocus on your values? What it is that gives you true value and meaning in life.

Can this be done together? In marriage counselling? You bet!

Like to know more?

Contact Mark at gr8relationships.com on 9757 2542, or email support @ gr8relationships.com.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Yours Faithfully,

Mark Lockyer

PS In marriage counselling Mark treats both partners with dignity and respect. There is no right or wrong. The focus is on how you both can re-evaluate your marriage to get the best out of it. Happiness in life has never been gauranteed. Joy requires little but a lot to achieve.

PPS If you go to Mark for marriage counselling and you feel it has not helped at all - your money will be refunded no questions asked.

Marriage Counselling
gr8relationships.com
Suite 6, The Reef Centre
33 Fearn Avenue
Margaret River
T: 9757 2542
E: support @ gr8relationships.com

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